Not the Vapors!

IMG_0339The sun is shining, the temperature is in the high 60’s, and a refreshing breeze carrying the sounds of chirping birds envelopes me. It’s Moving Day. A day that was dreamed up nearly 6 years ago and here it is. I had planned to migrate south to South Carolina from New Jersey after college to escape the cold winters, experience the southern way of life and overall friendliness. Growing up at the Jersey Shore and feeling at peace near the water, the idea of Charleston settled in my mind as the best of all worlds. It seemed so far away then, completely unattainable. A pipe dream. A nice thought to day dream about and temporarily remove me mentally from unpleasant situations. An idealistic thought that transported me to some future I wasn’t certain would ever actually come to be and had no idea how to even make it happen. But it sure was nice to imagine. Yet here I am, moving into an apartment in Charleston that feels like a completed puzzle, containing the very best pieces from each of the 8 or so places I’ve lived since college, all in one space. Over the past few years, I have felt homeless. Home is where the heart is but I didn’t even know where my heart was anymore. I felt lost, insecure and desperately craving that feeling of ‘home’. I had come to believe that the cozy feeling of home- that place where you can completely be your unabashed self, that melts you the moment you walk through the door, fills your mind and body with peace merely thinking of this special place- was lost to me forever. It seemed just outside my grasp and was pulled further away when my Mom died. Like everything in life, nothing lasts forever even when you’re deep in the muck and you cannot possibly imagine how your situation could or will ever change…until the day it does.

As I look up at my new place and back again at my loaded down car containing 27 years of life experiences, I am overcome with tears of pure gratitude and awe at how every moment, heart breaking and heart mending, lead me to this awesome moment of finally feeling at home and getting ready to embark on an incredible job opportunity. Despite all of the pain, setbacks, confusion, anger, and fear, it all had to be so that I could stand here today looking up at my dream apartment in my dream city, “getting the vapors,” as my

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Here come the Vapors! 1st day of college, saying Goodbye.

Mom would say, feeling in my soul that it was all worth it. I wish I could call up my Mom and tell her, “Look ma, I made it to Charleston after all!”  She would say to me, “I knew you would. Everything always works out for you Sammy girl.” That is the truth of life: everything works out for each and every one of us as it is meant to. It may not seem like it ever will when life keeps throwing you punches, turning you upside down and breaking you apart. Hold on Dear Ones. I’m living proof that there is always light at the end of the dark, long tunnel and to never ever lose sight of your dreams. The light has been there all along. So soak in those moments, no matter how small or short-lived, when the light comes filtering in. Allow yourself to feel the excitement, gratitude and love when you do get a taste of your dreams. Don’t let the fear of losing what you finally have take away the joy you deserve to experience.

 

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